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I was raised by my grandmother, a faithful member of an Apostolic Pentecostal Church. Our pastor, Rev. D. L. Welch, was a pioneer in the Pentecostal Movement. At age twelve, I was baptized in Jesus’ name and received the Holy Ghost.
When I was sixteen, I eloped with a young man of like faith. By age twenty, I was the mother of two young boys who were the joy of my life. My husband and I were deeply involved in church. We were members of the choir, and faithfully attended prayer meetings and revival services.
As a stay-at-home mom, I was able to spend a lot of time with my boys when they were young. As my children approached their teenage years, things occurred in my marriage that left them with an unsettled home life. After eighteen years of marriage and a lengthy separation, my husband and I divorced. Because of some wrong choices we both made, our children were also forced into difficult changes. Sin will always affect the innocent in some way. My husband remarried six weeks after the divorce, and moved to another state. I was now a single parent with two teenage boys.
By this time, I no longer attended church regularly, and had fallen into a dark pit that seemed to have no exits. I found myself drifting away from the values I had developed as a young child. I made sure my children attended church, even though there were many times when I dropped them off at the door. At this point, I was turning my life over to deception, and my time was being filled with friends who were involved in the lesbian lifestyle.
One by one, my boys decided to go live with their dad, and I found myself living alone and out of the safety of my Shepherd’s fold. I had wandered away from God and His Word so slowly, that I did not realize how far away I had gone until I was in darkness.
As long as I attended church occasionally, I felt like I was still in the fight; but when I closed the door on my relationship with Jesus, I opened the door to depression and turmoil. As this point I had chosen death.
I tried to keep busy with my new life so that I wouldn’t have to think about what I had left behind. Due to unresolved issues as a child, I began to feel that I was not only a lesbian, but probably always had been one. These issues from the past seemed to point to that conclusion.
For a short while, I even believed that the attachments I had with women, even as a small child, were confirmation of my lesbian orientation. After years of living the lesbian lifestyle, I realized that what I thought would fill the void in my life, had turned out to be an emotional roller coaster.
There were times when Jesus would visit me in the still of the night. I could feel His convicting power gently tugging at my heart. I wanted to answer the call, but I just couldn’t seem to get the courage to try. At that point, I had put limitations on the One who created the universe.
I attended church once in a while and even, on occasions, got one of my “friends” to go with me. Every time I gave Jesus a chance, He was right there. He never gave up on me even though I had given up on myself. Thankfully, Jesus is faithful, even when we aren’t. We may break our covenant, but God keeps His, and He never goes back on a promise. Every time we go back to Calvary, Jesus is waiting for us there.
I am so very thankful for a praying grandmother who never gave up on me. She stayed faithful to God. Her faithfulness served as a reminder of my Christian heritage.
Even though I was still living in a lesbian relationship, I finally made the choice to attend church on Sunday evenings as much as possible. There were times when I could feel the oppressive spirit of the enemy fighting against me. I also had opposition from those around me, but I was determined to walk through the door that Jesus had opened.
About eight months after my return to church, while standing in the back of the sanctuary, a lady came up to me, and softly placed her hand on my head. She began praying silently. After a short while, God’s Spirit went through my body, and I felt a heavy burden lift off me.
The next day, I was offered a way of escape. I moved away from where I had been living, and set my focus on Jesus. The road to restoration began with a new hope and excitement in my spirit. At the time of this writing it has been twenty five years since Jesus reached down and brought me out of the homosexual lifestyle.
No matter how far a lamb may wander from the safety of the fold, or what struggle has them bound, Jesus will always seek them out and extend His hand of mercy to them. Jesus is about saving the “one,” not just the masses.
Micah 7:8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me
My complete Testimony and restoration process is published in my book, Through the Eyes of Mercy. The book is also translated into Spanish. They are available for purchase on my website or through my email.
Isaiah 59:1 Behold the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear.